One ;year later...

Well, it's been over a year since I have posted so noone will probably read this, but it's more for me. I last wrote about pacing myself, which, i still need to figure out. I can honestly say, nothing in my life has ever been so difficult for me to handle. This disease has totally changed my life. I have always been able to overcome and adapt to adversities in my life but not this. I know time I will figure it out, but it's never taken me this long to figure anything out. I have been reading lots of web pages by other people with RA, and they all say it takes years to get the right meds and to adapt. I guess I'm just not patient. Since the end of July I have been off of the biological meds for RA, since they weren't really working for me anyway. I was prescribed a new med that works differently from the others but four months later I still don't have it and my disease continues to progress and get worse. Most days I can't walk, can't hold a glass, open anythng. Just taking a shower and getting dressed is painful and takes all my energy for the day. I know that it won't be like this forever, but it is starting to be very depressing. My family is great but they don't really get it, not that they could, they try really hard to be helpful and supporting, but I just feel really alone, like noone understands. I just want my life back. So this is how I feel lately, and today, I decided to accept that this is my life right now, maybe for a long time so I need to accept it. I can't explain the feelings that come with a life changing disease, and the depression. I hope that none of you ever have to understand it. I am praying that the new medicne will work for me and lots of other RA sufferers and that we can get some kind of normal life back.

What I have learned through all this is that I know my heavenly father loves me and I am important to him. I know with his help I can get through this and come out stronger on the other side. I am thankful for a supportive family, I know that lots of people with RA don't have a supportive family. So from this day forward I am going to make a better effort to accept my life and try to do the good things I can still do for my family and friends, and stop wallowing in my depression. Wish me luck!!

Learning to adapt

I have so much housework to do today, actually, the same housework that hasn't been done for a month now. I started in the kitchen, which is half way done, and decided to take a break. It is so hard for me. I have always been the kind of person who doesn't stop something I've started until I finish. But since getting rheumatoid arthritis, I have had to learn to adapt. It is very difficult for me. I look around my house and see how it looks and all the things I would like to do, and realize I have to do things differently than I used to. Until now I have done nothing or I have done it all in a day and spent the next two days in agonizing pain, while everything I did gets undone and I am right back where I started. I decided that I needed to do a little then take a break, then do a little more. So this blog is my break, and hopefully by the end of the day the kitchen will be done. Although I don't hold out too much hope for that because Megan is home with the flu today and I am about to go sit with her. I will say that I have learned alot in the past year, I have so much more understanding and compassion for people with chronic diseases, they are life changing and I guess you just don't understand unless you have been through it. Everyone has challenges in their lives, this is mine. I hope I am able to adapt my life and be happy with what I CAN do.

Trip to the Temple

Saturday a good friend of mine called and asked if I wanted to go to the temple with her. I had planned on going the day before with my sister, but plans fell through. I almost said no, because I already had planned my day out doing much needed housework and spending time with the girls. But I said yes and I am so glad I did. I didn't realize how much I needed to go. I have been feeling really stressed and overwhelmed lately and when I entered the Temple that all left. I really needed to feel the peace and calm that only the Temple can bring. Not to mention I got to do work for someone who, I hope accepted that offering.

So, the laundry is still not finished and the floors need to be cleaned, but I feel much more calm and know I made the right choice. Thank you, I have a good life, I enjoyed spending time with you and think you are an AMAZING woman.

Last Weekend Megan's Soccer team took first place in the tournament. They got these really great medals for coming in first. She really loves soccer and is getting very good at it. Great job Megan.

Gardening

I decided to plant some flowers in the front yard flower bed today. It was in desperate need of some color and flowers make me smile. Anyway, I love to garden, although now that I have RA its a little bit harder to do. But even as I sit here taking advil and digging dirt out from under my fingernails, its worth it. Everytime I walk out to go somewhere in my car I will pass the beautiful flowers and smile. I know, I'm a simple person, what can I say! Now if I can only find the energy to do the pool area. . . maybe tomorrow.

Yes, I am still alive!

Okay, so I have recently discoverd that I am really not a computer person. Or for that matter, not really any tech things. I don't know how to use half the features on my cell phone, have to ask jessica to do that for me, not too good with the computer either. Anyway, am good at typing so I will just blog and forget trying to find, download, add pictures and cool stuff, cause it just frustrates me and I can never find what I am looking for. So for Mothers Day I am hoping to get a simple digital camera that takes great pictures and is easy to download to the computer so I can post pics on my blog.

So to catch up, (again), things are good. I love this time of year, the rain, the flowers, the green grass, other than mowing it. But there is one thing that I am starting not to like and that is ducks. We have a pond behind our house and there are lots of ducks who have decided that our pool is nicer than the pond. So everyday I have to chase the ducks out of the pool and clean up the droppings they leave everywhere and get all the feathers out of the skimmer baskets. If anyone knows how to keep ducks out of the pool let me know. . .PLEASE.

The kids are good. Jessica got a really bad sunburn at youth conference on Saturday and has missed the last 2 days of school. It has been a miserable 3 days for her. I've been putting aloe vera gel and vitamin c lotion on her every few hours, but it is blistering and definitely going to peel. I feel so bad for her.

David planned a trip for our anniversary. We are going to Niagra Falls in June. I have never been there and I am really looking forward to going and spending time alone with him. It doesn't seem like 23 years! Its been great at times, trying at times, hard at times, but always worth it! I love you David.

Happy Birthday Jessica