Wednesday, November 10, 2010

One ;year later...

Well, it's been over a year since I have posted so noone will probably read this, but it's more for me. I last wrote about pacing myself, which, i still need to figure out. I can honestly say, nothing in my life has ever been so difficult for me to handle. This disease has totally changed my life. I have always been able to overcome and adapt to adversities in my life but not this. I know time I will figure it out, but it's never taken me this long to figure anything out. I have been reading lots of web pages by other people with RA, and they all say it takes years to get the right meds and to adapt. I guess I'm just not patient. Since the end of July I have been off of the biological meds for RA, since they weren't really working for me anyway. I was prescribed a new med that works differently from the others but four months later I still don't have it and my disease continues to progress and get worse. Most days I can't walk, can't hold a glass, open anythng. Just taking a shower and getting dressed is painful and takes all my energy for the day. I know that it won't be like this forever, but it is starting to be very depressing. My family is great but they don't really get it, not that they could, they try really hard to be helpful and supporting, but I just feel really alone, like noone understands. I just want my life back. So this is how I feel lately, and today, I decided to accept that this is my life right now, maybe for a long time so I need to accept it. I can't explain the feelings that come with a life changing disease, and the depression. I hope that none of you ever have to understand it. I am praying that the new medicne will work for me and lots of other RA sufferers and that we can get some kind of normal life back.

What I have learned through all this is that I know my heavenly father loves me and I am important to him. I know with his help I can get through this and come out stronger on the other side. I am thankful for a supportive family, I know that lots of people with RA don't have a supportive family. So from this day forward I am going to make a better effort to accept my life and try to do the good things I can still do for my family and friends, and stop wallowing in my depression. Wish me luck!!

1 comment:

Katie said...

I found your blog through Brittany's and I just wanted to say hello. I'm so sorry for what you have been through, and are still going through. I know it's not just physical anymore at this point. I just wanted to tell you that we think about you over here and that you are in our prayers.